"The Life Erotic" with Hunter Cole.
Discussion, musings, diatribes, and mad scribblings
Hey! Thanks for stopping by my journal - You got a nice journal here! Good luck with your writing! 
Insane.or, Why Hunter Hates Vampires.
Okay. Okay. It's easy enough fodder. Or so you would think.
And I'm not talking about Bela Lugosi as Dracula, or Max Schreck in Nosferatu... No, no, no... The vampires I hate come way later. And two words simply destroyed the concept of what Vampires are and turned them into something entirely different:
Anne Fucking Rice.
Yes, yes. I know, she's all born again now and only does Jesus novels, or whatever. That, however, does not offer atonement to what she did in the erotica crowd. Anne Rice created this romanticized vision of vampires that changed the face of the undead disease forever.
In between gagging myself with a stake, I do appreciate that Anne Rice at least followed some rules of reality in her vampire stories - Vampires can't get erections.
Oh! Now, wait. Did you remember to tell all the FanFic and Erotica-Wannabe writers that?
VAMPIRES HAVE NO FUCKING BLOOD PUMPING THROUGH THEIR VEINS. Or their dicks. So... Here's my dialogue of what a vampire meets hot female would go:
VAMPIRE: Ahhh, I cherish you, little one. I've waited centuries... eons, even, for one like you to fulfill me.
CHEERLEADER: Umm.... (smacking gum) Yeah, so like... You wanna do it, or what?
VAMPIRE: Ahh, my child, although I am verile in thought and wicked of tongue, my tallywacker carries no bone. I am undead, you see... So I have no blood that flows.
CHEERLEADER: Ewwwwww.
So you see what I'm saying? Here's some problems with Vampires:
I don't know why I even bother sometimes. I do long to read a decent Vampire story, but it would have to be exceptional for me to find an Anti-Hero vampire I like. Sure, Kate Beckinsale in Underworld looked great in that tight leather outfit and cool demure. But, ahem, she was a fucking undead monster. She would kill me as quickly as look at me.
So what is the attraction to vampires? ESPECIALLY homosexual male vampires? I suppose that could reach back to ancient times when men used to sleep with men because they were intelligent and close. But I honestly think it's just something that people jumped on the bandwagon and went the wrong fucking way.
I should say, despite all I have mentioned, I do like the "writing styles" of Poppy Z. Brite. She nearly goes against everything I say and only seems to write about homosexual male vampires (none of which is a turn on for me) - but she has a great talent of blending language into novella poetry... If only she would write something more accessible or sensible I would truly be impressed.
So, perhaps it's my fundamental principles. I have always known Vampires, as legend, to be vile, evil, cursed and diseased creatures. What the hell would I want to fuck one? Could she be the succubi that attracts my foresaken heart? Maybe. But there aren't as many female Vamps (or Dhampirs) as there are male homosexual (or bi-sexual, but the point is moot since they really can't get an erection). And that doesn't attract me.
I should say, before I get attacked for it, that I understand that "Vampires don't really exists." and "It's creative license." I'll tell you what you can do... FUCK CREATIVE LICENSE. That's a bad excuse if I've ever heard one. I do agree with creative license. Hell, in my current story, I break most laws of natural physics. But I pull it off by using a setting that's alien to everyone - because it came from my imagination.
Vampires are built on over a hundred years of myth and legend. And you can't mess with that, Tex. So before you all write your comments here telling me that I don't know what I'm talking about (which, admittantly, the next day I review my journal and say "self, what the hell were you thinking?") - You cannot take what has become fact (even in myth) and break the codes. Unless you're very, very good.
I mean, really good. And I bet you aren't. I bet you a drink you aren't - Prove me wrong, if you like. Show me a vampire story that is exhilirating, necessary, and does not romanticize them as treasure sex toys.
(Hunter slumps over the keyboard now, foaming at the mouth, screaming from the confines of his padded cell): They're fucking monsters! They're monsters, they can't get hard!
... And the nurse gives me my shot, I feel fine. I'm all under control. Things are happy go daisy with thick green fields of fallow and folly... I'll see you tomorrow, or the next day, or whenever you feel like visiting again. Thanks for the ear, really. I'll treasure it - I've already put it in a little box on the side of my bed.
-Hunter
Thank you for this entry. I have been saying this same thing since the early 70's. 
People like vampires because in some way, they look the most human next to swamp thing and the werewolf man. As for the romance, wasn't Dracula a romantic novel? He loved this woman and she was reincarnated and he fell in love with her again? I think this notion made vampires "romantic" in the eyes of women who wanted something daring and taboo to read in that time. A monster that wins a woman's heart, or a monster that can completely steal a woman's heart, make her do things against her well, which in a way she wanted to do anyway so by 'believing' it was against her well, it all makes it okay and she's free to enjoy it... I think this is what made vampires romantic in the eyes of women... as for men, I'm not real sure. I just know when I was 12, 14 bla bla bla, they were my favorite monster for that reason... (maybe I need a shot of that same stuff your nurse gave you, am I really admitting all this stuff??) Anyway, this is my beliefs on why vampires went from "monster" to "romancer" It's probably a majority of women who buy vampire novels. I know Laurell Hamilton sells her novels in Romance Conventions. I like vampires with the same notion as Dracula, where he honestly seemed to regret what he was. There are a few that are monsters, of course, there are humans that are monsters too, but reading about the vampires who really want to be human again, that's far more entertaining. I'm sadistic, I like mental torture, it makes for great reading. So anyway, this is why I think vampires are what they "are" today in our society. I'm trying to move away from the vampire theme in my novels. I have four novels with vampires, but I think my stories are a little weird so I'm not real sure what crowd I'm targeting. They'll either sale and I'll get a lot of hate mail from the 'new time' vampire fans, or I'll just get hate mail period for being so off the wall. Hey, I like being "off the wall" it leaves more freedom for movement...
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